The Last Kiss of Ashly J Williams
by JuliaBoon
Summary: Linda died, at his hands; but that didn't change a thing. Ash knew Linda was waiting for him in Heaven; if only he could be good. Sucked up and spat out by a swirling vortex into an unfriendly town, Ash will have to deal with real people for a change. The sheriff thinks he's a killer and those deadites just don't quit but Ash is on a mission to buy his way into Heaven. R&R
1. The Evil Dead

**A/N: This EVIL DEAD fanfic is set in various parts of "The Evil Dead" and "Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn" however the real fanfic part doesn't start until the end of "Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn". Set then straight after Ash is sucked into the rift, however in my story he does not end up in the 1300's (or whatever). The parts detailing what happened _prior to the main story_ is taken heavy (mostly) from the _original_ screenplay which means bits of it will be inaccurate from the movie; I know this might annoy a couple of fanatics but hey, whatever. (Hey, but for you fanatics, keep a look out for some really obscure references!) Still, for most people, you probably won't notice the changes unless you _just_ watched the movie before reading (which you probably didn't do!).  
** **I want to mention that an inspiration to the plot of this fanfiction was taken from two sources; the song "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam and the movie/comic "Constantine". I'll make some references to the song throughout and one really noticeable reference is the title (duh). While the connection to the song is obvious this is not a fic that is going to follow the song to the letter; it really only inspired a few lines and the overall mission. Now the "Constantine" connection is a little vaguer, I won't reference it directly but I would like to quickly mention it since that's where I got the idea of "buying your way in to heaven" since in this fic Ash's overall goal is "to be good, so (he) can see (his) baby when (he) leaves this world".  
** **Of course since this is an EVIL DEAD story there will be plenty of violence and gore however I'm going to keep it at a T rating for now unless I go totally off the map with violence and profanities later.  
** **There are plenty of religious references (about heaven and hell) but not because I'm very religious but because you have to admit the movies were, also because of the song mentioning heaven (and the goal being to GET INTO heaven) but really it not very pushy; skip it if you must.  
** **Oh and should mention that it does spoil the entire plot of the first two movies just in case you haven't seen them, but come on YOU HAVEN'T SEE THEM? but yet it makes no mention of "Army of Darkness" or the new series "Ash vs. the Evil Dead" (the series which I haven't seen but by God I am going to, hopefully, _soon_ so don't ruin IT for ME!). Hopefully I will finish this story, but I make no promises.**

 **So, enjoy my Ash-fest and for the love of God review! Hail to the King baby...**

* * *

 _In a cabin in the woods, somewhere in the state of Michigan, one man called Ash was fighting for his life against the woman, Linda, he loved._

Linda backed Ashly up against Scott, knocking his body to the broken floor boards and grabs at Ash's foot. He manages to turn Linda's arm so the knife is behind her back. Forcefully, Ashly pushes her over the body of Scott and she falls backward upon the dagger, impaling herself upon it. The blade tears into her back and rips through her stomach. Lightning flashes, thunder roars and Linda screams once in a deep growl, then all is quiet.

Ashly drags Linda's corpse past the crumpled body of Scott, past Cheryl, who watches all of this from her place in the cellar, through the back door and out to the work shed.  
Inside the work shed Ash lifts Linda up onto the work bench and secures her body to it with a number of chains which hang from nails along the wall. He rips down a tarp hanging on the wall to reveal a chainsaw. He starts it up and moves it towards her. Buzzing madly, the saw is lowered to a position several inches above Linda's neck. Ashly looks into Linda's face. Her eyes have gone back to blue. He turns off the saw.  
"Linda..." Ash whispers. He drops the saw and breaks down crying over Linda's body.  
Suddenly a mumble escapes from Linda's lips. Ash's head shoots up and looks down at Linda. Her brilliant blue eyes are wide open but it was clear the life is slowly slipping from her grasp.  
"Hold me darling just a little while." she whispered. Ash began to cry harder, grasping onto her; holding her close. Ash leaned down and kissed her, their last kiss. He kept holding onto her as she slipped away. Now that she was gone, even though he holds her tight, Ash realised that he had lost his love, his life, this night.

An evening mist drifts out of the woods and cloaks the shed as Ashly carries Linda's body outside for burial. He lays the body upon the ground and picks up a shovel. Harsh floodlight from the corners of the cabin create strange shadows on the ground as Ashly digs Linda's grave. She lies on her back during the digging. One of her eyes opens. It is white. Ashly drops the shovel and looks down at her. She appears to be dead.  
Ash places Linda's corpse in the grave, beginning to cover her with dirt. He glances to the grave and see's Linda's necklace on top of the dirt mound. He reaches down to pick it up when Linda's hand shoots up from beneath the grave and grabs him! She pulls herself up out of the grave screaming and clutches Ashly's leg with a black and bloodied hand. He twists around, trying to free himself, but she will not let go. By now Linda is almost completely out of her grave. With her fingernails, she rips into Ashly's leg, tearing his skin. Screaming, he picks up a large log nearby and swings it roundhouse into her face again and again, breaking the wood into smaller bits. She grabs the log, with him clinging to the other end. She lifts him up and throws Ash, log and all, away from her. He hits the ground with considerable force and for the first time he begins to comprehend the power of this thing he is dealing with. Thick black ooze pours from Linda's nose and mouth as she turns toward Ashly sprawled on the ground.  
"Stay back." Ash warns, his hand groping for the handle of the spade. Linda advances toward him, laughing.  
"Linda please, if you can still hear me. Keep away." Ash begs. His fingers tighten on the wooden handle. With a scream, she lunges towards him. From the ground, he swings the spade upward, lopping off her head. The head falls into the mud, but the body falls upon him, grabbing and jerking about spasmodically. Thick black ooze pumps from her neck and Ashly manages to pull himself out from underneath the body. He backs away in disgust and falls. He picks himself up again and sees Linda's necklace upon the ground. Ashly stashes it in his pocket and staggers back into the cabin.


	2. Evil Dead Two: Dead by Dawn

_Soon a series of implausible events happened which if told might seem even more far-fetched; people were possessed, bodies reanimated and hands came to life with a mind of their own. The indomitable but deranged Ashly J. Williams has experienced many terrors but more came until they lead to the next unfortunate series of events._

In the depths of the darkened forest bubbling smoke appears, then flame. Through the smoke, the beginnings of a winding spiral of cloudlike material appear. It grows and becomes a massive tear in the sky; a swirl, a tunnel which continues to grow. Annie, half dead as she crawls to the pages on the floor, gasps out the final sentences, "Nos-feratos, Amen-non. Ak-adeem! Razin, Arozonia!" Immediately the rift grows more powerful.  
Sweating and terrified, Ash draws closer. He gazes deep into the mouth of a rotten apple head. It's massive jaw juts from the head, biting and snapping; sap-like saliva drips from the orifice. Ash's feet kick at the mouth of the rotten apple head, trying to keep it at bay. It's jaw snaps at his shoes. Suddenly the massive teeth snap together biting Ash's foot in half, he screams only to look down and discover that although missing the leather section of his shoe, his toes are still intact. Ash jerks his arm outward sharply and the chainsaw roars to life. He raises it height above his head and plunges it forward. Ash thrusts the spinning blade of the chainsaw into the single eye of the beast before him. The blade punctures the eye, then Ash pulls it free once more. Green sauce spouts from the creature's wound, drenching Ash in green bile. Eyeless, the creature screams in anger.  
With her last gasp Annie manages to utter the word, "...Kanda!"  
Outside the confines of the cabin, the rift begins to pull in the fog and trees that surround the house. The rotten apple head is sucked out the doorway of the cabin. The door slams shut behind it; it's scream echoing off into the distance. Ash revs the chainsaw once again, slicing through a branch and it falls to the floor. Suddenly the cabin becomes eerily quiet; the sounds of the trees are gone. Ash looks to Annie, lying dead upon the floor. Ash kneels down beside her, moving her slightly, he starts to stroke her hair and begins to cry.  
"You did it." he says through his tears, "By God you did it." He lowers his head and begins to heave in sharp convulsive breaths of despair. Behind Ash the front door rips open with a tremendous blast. The door is sucked down into the rift. All of the objects in the room are sucked through the open doorway and down into the rift, including the loose pages of the Book of the Dead. The suction of the rift is strong and Ash grabs a hold of the kitchen window ledge so as not to be swept outside by the force of the vacuum of the rift. Object and papers fly past him and into the massive hole. Eventually the force of the rift is just too much for the window ledge and it tears free. Ash screams, flying backwards, towards the open door. As he flies towards the open doorway, the piece of ledge that he grips tightly, snags on the edge of the door. Ash's body is horizontal, his feet dangling in the air, being pulled in the direction of the rift. He hangs onto the piece of wood for dear life as objects continue to fly past him.  
"For God's sake," Ash cries out, "how do you stop it?" Suddenly the wood finally snaps and Ash is set free, spinning wildly towards the rift. He is rocketed through the air, spinning somersaults. Ash is sucked down into the swirling rift, like a particle that is swallowed by a deep funnel of draining water. Then the rift snaps shut behind him, closing. Inside the rift, Ash watches as swirling masses of colours and clouds twist around him. He hears nightmarish sounds as objects come at him from the distance and roar past; an uprooted tree, the grandfather clock. Ash is spinning in circles, hand over foot, screaming; the chainsaw still mounted to his wrist. The rift is distorting his fine features as he is rocketed through the dark void of space.


	3. Morristown, Tennessee

Tall buildings stretched up, made of cream bricks; bricks so small that they seemed to blend into each other to create the effect of plaster. Flags of red and blue, hung from the awnings, waving in the soft breeze. The street was utterly still; peaceful. Songbirds sung and a few cars drove past, yet even their engines were muted.  
Suddenly the peace broke for a hole opened in the pale blue sky with a sharp crackling sound; the hole hovered in the air above the street. After a moment a man is spat out from this opening and falls downward through the air and onto the hard asphalt below. The man lays still upon the middle of the road; he does not move until another car appears in view, heading straight for him. Swiftly the car jerks to a stop, its horn blaring.  
"What the hell are you doing in the middle of the road!" the man inside the car yells. Ashly jerks up and manages to get to his feet. Suddenly a sharp female scream is heard. A woman across the road has caught sight of our hero, bloodied and busied, his chainsaw still strapped to where his hand once was. A shopkeeper peers through his window and catches sight of Ash, coming to the same conclusion as the screaming woman, he quickly dials his phone; calling the sheriff.

"Boy, could you explain why you had a chainsaw stuck on your arm?" asked Sheriff Raimi, his Tennessee drawl pinging off the concrete walls of the integration room. Ash shook his head; they'd arrested him a time before and taken him here, kicking and screaming. The reality of the situation had failed to strike him and at first he had been convinced everyone he saw was just another demon. Eventually he came to his senses and stopped struggling. They'd taken his chainsaw and sawed off shotgun and now he stared down at the bandaged stump where his hand used to be. The dried blood around the edges of his face had begun to itch but he fought the urge to scratch, lest he open up an old wound.  
Ash looked up at the sheriff, contemplating what he should say. The man before him was in his early 50's, his brown hair flecked with grey. The skin of his face was worn and wrinkled while the edges of his eyes were creased with crow's feet. Despite this though his brown eyes were bright, his uniform was immaculate and his face was alert with an expression of intrigue. It was a "got ya" face but Ash failed to register this.  
"Sheriff." Ash started, "Before I tell you what happened, I think I need to show you something first."

Ash had managed to convince Sheriff Raimi to drive up in his old police cruiser to the cabin in the woods where it had all happened. Ash knew it was safe now, the evil having been sucked into the rift, or at least he hoped it was safe.  
"Sheriff." Ash began, "I've had one hell of a time." Ash showed the Sheriff the bodies, the blood and the gore; retelling his story, waving his hands about in a kind of pantomime. Ash told him about the events that had happened to him since he and his friends had entered the isolated cabin in the woods and all through it the old sheriff just nodded. Ash spared only the smallest of details but by the end of it, it was clear that the ol' sheriff was not buying one bit of it. Of course our Ash didn't notice this even as they got into the sheriff's car and drove back to the station. The sheriff left Ash then to the mercy of the deputies who stripped him of his clothes, swabbed him and did all that stuff you see on police shows. After they were finished they gave him some sweats with the police logo on the front and sat him back in the same concrete interrogation room. What seemed like forever of a time passed and Ash found his body begin to shake slightly; he didn't understand why until he remembered back to a biology class he'd taken in college. The shaking had something to do with the body coming down from the massive spike in his adrenaline he must have had during his ordeal. The smiled, groovy.  
Soon enough the sheriff came back in, smiling. "So," The sheriff started, "Demon's huh?"  
Ash stared dumbly at the man before him.  
The sheriff shook his head, "I don't believe a word of it. Frankly I'm insulted you'd think I ever could believe that load of horseshit you tried to feed me."  
Ash frowned as Sheriff Raimi continued, "Come on son, admit it you killed all those sweet college kids and we can get this over and done with."  
Ashly gasped audibly, jumping up, "I didn't kill them!" Ash shouted, his face angry at his suggestion, "They were my friends!"  
"Oh come on now, perhaps they just got on your nerves?" The Sheriff helpfully suggested.  
"Cheryl was my sister!" he cried, "I was in love with Linda!" Ash continued, "We were going to be together forever."  
The sheriff smiled again and dropped a manila folder onto the metal table. He turned over the top to reveal Ash's friends college id pictures. Ash dropped into his chair and he could feel the tears start to well up in his eyes. His friends smiled back at him, so innocent, so unknowing of their fate. Ash felt compelled to pull out his friend's photos and gaze at them, then Ash caught sight of Scott's picture and a cruel thought bubbled its way into Ashly's brain. It was an utterly cruel, mean and horrific thought but so was ending up in prison for the mass murder of his friends. Ash knew how to sate the sheriff; Sheriff Raimi needed an escape goat and Ashly knew of the perfect person.  
Tears began to stream down his face as he picked up Scott's picture and showed it to the sheriff.  
"It was Scotty." Ash declared. The shock in Sheriff Raimi's face was clear but a trace of intrigue was there too.  
"Scott Delrich?" The sheriff asked, suddenly very interested.  
Ash wiped the tears from his eyes, "Yeh, it was Scotty." Ashly continued to tell a story, one full of facts but riddled with lies too but in this version it wasn't the horror in the woods that attacked them; it was his friend Scotty. As Ash told the sheriff of how Scotty had gone mad, how he'd gotten into an argument with his girl Shelly and killed her then decided that the rest of them (as witnesses) just had to go too, Ash could feel the sheriffs belief. Scotty as a deranged killer was awful, but believable, and another horrific truth was that in a situation like this no one wanted to believe that the only survivor was the killer. The climatic story also starred Ash as the reluctant hero who'd tried in vain to save his sister and his love but failed. Only ending the carnage by killing the killer himself. He ended the story by claiming, that half dead, he'd managed to drag himself into town.  
The sheriff believed the story, and later he would boast to his colleagues that he'd known the first story was bull but he'd gotten the truth out of Ashly J. Williams in the end. He'd also explain away the first story by claiming that Mr. Williams _clearly_ didn't want to admit what a screwed up killer his friend was or the fact that Ash had not only failed to save his girlfriend and his sister but ended up killing a person as well (all be it a screwed up killer).

Ashly's stomach twisted and moaned, the lies sat heavy inside his gut but he was out; he was a free man once more. Yet suddenly a question popped into his war frazzled brain.  
"Where the hell am I?" Ash said aloud. It also occurred to him that he was still wearing the police sweats that they had issued him. They'd given back his wallet so he fished into his pants, pulling it out. He gazed into it and found a ten dollar bill, he prayed that this town (wherever it was) was a cheap town.  
He found his way to a local clothes store, the kind that looks nothing like a k-mart. Those small town stores that are so old they've been here since the town opened in the pioneer days. He browsed the racks of clothes and found a cuffed blue shirt with long sleeves for three dollars and a pair of brown bell bottoms for four dollars. Yep, not only was this town cheap but it was also stuck in the past as far as fashion was concerned. He paid and went out the back of the store to change; after he had finished zipping up his pants he turned around to find a girl staring at him.  
She was around twenty-one, maybe a little younger, with corn yellow hair and emerald green eyes. She was smiling, "This isn't a changing room you know." she said, giggling.  
Ash cocked his head to the side, "I know that."  
She took a few steps forward, "Hey, you're pretty done up aren't you?" she gestured at the dry blood around the corners of his face. Ash had completely forgotten about the blood and suddenly felt self-conscious.  
"I guess I am." he said in response.  
She smiled again cheekily, "You know." she started in a drawn out fashion, "You could come back home will me and take a shower."  
Ash's eyes lit up, that bad streak of his suddenly forgetting totally about Linda. Ash nodded, "If you don't mind."

The warm shower washed over Ash, cleaning the nightmare from his skin but not his mind. He jumped out of the bathtub and dried himself off, putting the new clothes back on. He left the bathroom and found the girl just outside the doorway staring at him once more.  
"By the way." Ash asked, a dash of embracement in his voice, "What's your name?"  
The girl, however, was not offended and replied with a smile, "Betsy. What are you called?"  
Ashly smiled, "My friends call me Ash." the thought popped back into his head as he asked, "Say, where am I?"  
Betsy laughed. "Morristown." she replied.  
Ash scratched his head, "Now where it that?"  
"Tennessee." she said helpfully.  
Ash's eyes went wild, "Tennessee?! But I thought I was in Royal Oak, Michigan!"  
Betsy shook her head, "Nope, Tennessee."  
Ash was dumb struck, "Well I'll be! That's just groovy."  
The girl turned and walked into her living room. Ash followed.  
The living room was small, the back of the marron couch up against a cream coloured wall and a small brown coffee table in front of the couch. Betsy sat down and ushered Ash to sit down next to her. He obliged and immediately the soft sweet smell of her filled his nostrils. He felt himself nudging closer to her. They got talking, and if Ash wasn't mistaken, Betsy was hitting on him. Slowly he felt himself leaning in to kiss her, his lips pursed and then he caught sight of it. Sitting on the coffee table was a framed photograph of Betsy beaming, a man's arm warped around her shoulders. The fifty something man was wrinkled, his brown hair flecked with grey, and was begrudgingly smiling back at the camera. Ash immediately recognised the man and flew back into his seat.  
"You know Sheriff Raimi?!" Ash sputtered, his eyes wild and worried.  
Betsy grinned and waved her hand dismissively, "Yeh," she started, "He's my father."  
Ash nearly jumped out of his skin, "How small is this _town_?" he asked the air above him. Betsy giggled, taking the question seriously she replied, "Oh only about twenty-nine thousand, three hundred and twenty-four."  
"That many people and I had to run into the _sheriff's daughter_?" The irony settled on Ashly like a heavy blanket as Betsy leaned in again aiming for a kiss but, Ash oblivious to her intentions, turned his head at the last second and jumped to his feet; still utterly lost in the irony of it all. He was contemplating this as the door to Betsy's apartment burst open and screaming, eyes creamy white, a man came racing towards Ash; aiming to claw out Ash's eyes with his fingernails. Reflexively Ash's good hand flew out, grabbing the photo of the sheriff, and he smashed it across the head of his assailant. The man was clearly possessed by some evil for he had shattered teeth, slashes across his face and weeping from these wounds was blood. Ash grabbed Betsy's hand and pulled her towards the exit as he yelled, "For God's sake! This just isn't my week!"

* * *

 **A/N: I really hope you all like how I'm presenting Ash. I've taken a lead from the great Sam Raimi and have made Ash a fool. But still I hope he's not too OOC. Oh and have you seen some of the obscure references yet? See if you can spot all of them! Another thing though, I hope the storyline is plausible enough and not too boring (I know it's gotten a little tedious but hold tight! Deadites are on their way! (isn't that what RR Marin used to say? The dragons are ON THIER WAY!) Okay. Hang in their baby. Next Chapter up soon, entitled "The Evil Returns" so stay tooned folks! :)**


	4. The Evil Returns

**A/N: So sorry it's been so long since I've uploaded a chapter (I was stuck on a fight scene) but here it is! I hope you like it!**  
 _  
Little did Ash know that while he had been convalescing in the compony of the pretty Betsy, on the outskirts of town the evil of the Necronomicon Ex-Mortis or "Book of the Dead" was far from over..._

 _A few hours before...  
_ Deep in the woods in a clearing on the outskirts of Morristown, Tennessee two young men rested on the bonnet of their dull red 1977 Ford F-Series pickup. The mass of the trees were heavy around them, the deep green canopy above thick and impenetrable, making it darker than it should rightly be. In the back of their truck sat a cooler, filled to the brim with cheap domestic beer.  
"Grab me another brewskie Hal," Del said as he tossed his empty beer can backwards, it landing in the tray with a loud clink. Hal obliged, jumping down and scuttling to revive two beers, only to return to his placement a moment later. Del rose his can in a toast, "To Betsy, one fine smokin' lady."  
Hal smirked, "Yeh! Betsy. That chick is hot. I'd love to do so many things to that rocking bod!"  
Del sighed, "Yeh. If only she wasn't the sheriff's daughter... Remember what happened to the last guy who tapped that?" In unison they both reached to protect the family jewels in a comical act of male solidarity.  
Suddenly they heard a crackling which ripped through the silence of the night. At the same time they both jumped to their feet. "What the hell was that?" Asked Hal.  
"No fucking idea." Del replied in response. Del reached one hand in through the window of the pickup, grabbing a heavy black flashlight. Slowly Del ventured into the surrounding woodlands, Hal coming up the rear; his face a mask of fear. Gradually they stepped in the direction that the sound had emanated from, as if walking on eggshells.  
After about a minute or two they entered another clearing, this one much smaller. Del looked up and gasped, pointing right at the mouth of a rift. A swirling mass of bubbling smoke floated above them; a winding spiral of cloudlike material. The massive tear was surrounded with smoke and flame; Hal shook as he gripped Del's sleave.  
"Wh-hat is it?" Hal stuttered. Del just shook his head in response, not even looking at his friend to reply. Del was mesmerized by the vortex above them. Suddenly a crackle erupted from inside the rift, the vortex twisting and swirling in a burst of mad furry then in an anti-climactic fashion the mouth of the rift spat out a splutter of paper. The pages fell slowly down, like a plastic bag caught in the breeze. They finally came to rest right before the feet of Del, then just a fast as it had appeared the rift closed like a screw-top lid being sealed.  
The spell was cut short and Del's eyes fell down to his feet, he reached down and scooped up the pages. They felt old in his hands, the paper dirty and smeared with drops of blood which had long dried. Hal looked at Del with a kind of fear which bubbled up without his control. The look in Del's eyes were wide and dark, like something was _in_ him now that hadn't been there before.  
"Aren't these just _amazing_?" Del said in the direction of Hal. Hal nodded cautiously in agreement.  
"Where did they come from? What do they _say_?" Del continued, as he pressed the dirty paper into his chest, clutching them desperately. "We have to show these to Jack!"  
"Jack? That weird guy in our apartment block? The one with the bead curtains?"  
Del just gazed back at him with a blank stare replying, "So?"  
Hal conceded again but wasn't so sure about taking them. "Maybe we should just leave them here Del." Hal said.  
Del's eyes immediately turned darker, " _Leave_ them? How could we _leave_ these? They are _amazing!_ "  
Hal finally, reluctantly, agreed and they found their way back to the truck. Del got into the driver's seat and they sped off towards their apartment; the loose pages of the _Necronomicon Ex-Mortis_ lying in the centre console between them.

In the small apartment complex, mostly occupied by young professionals and a few off campus college students, Jack was known as the 'weird guy'. At around six foot, he was about twenty-five or so and what they call a 'free spirit'. He wore loose clothes with tie-dye patterns that hung freely off his body, didn't bathe as much as he ought and was _way_ too into the new-age movement. Jack lived two apartments over from Hal and Del who were roommates and although never friends with Jack they were 'friendly' so when Jack answered his door to find Del standing in his doorway there was no hostility felt.  
"What's up man?" Jack asked, smiling.  
Del stared at Jack for a moment his eyes filled with feral determinedness before he declared, "You have to take a look at this!" and Del pushed passed Jack, entering his apartment.  
Del's mouth burst open and out tumbled their wild story of the rift and the pages while Hal stood in the corner, a bit out of place. Jack was quick to pounce on the mystic looking pages that had come from the heavens and was eager to decipher them. Del handed him the pieces of paper and he began to pour over them. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily) Jack had been to visit a local voodoo shop many a time and had learnt how to pronounce the words before him. As for the actual understanding of what it said, of course Jack only knew enough to get the jist of what it really meant which spoke more about him then all the beaded curtains ever could. With the pages in hand Jack turned to the two roommates and said, excitement seeping into his voice, "Do you dudes know what these are?" They shook their head in unison and Jack continued, "These are pages from the _Necronomicon Ex-Mortis_!" When the only reply Jack got from Del and Hal was a blank stare, Jack frowned and continued, "It's the book of the dead. Supposedly lost since the 1300's it's _like_ the _ultimate_ collection of wicked spells man!"  
"S-p-p-ells?" Hal stuttered.  
Jack just waved off Hal's fear and declared, "Man we so have to read out a spell."  
Del nodded triumphantly and Hal just shivered.

The small living room of Jack's apartment had been transformed from "Ikea sheik" to "magician's lair". Jack had changed into a rather elaborate purple robe which seemed completely unnecessary. He had also insisted on candles on every surface and rolls of purple fabric hung from every awning, despite the combination creating a rather dangerous fire hazard. As Jack rose his hands into the air, the pages of the _Necronomicon Ex-Mortis_ sprawled out before him on the table, he spoke the words out loud to the world to hear, "Klaatu barada nikto". Immediately the composition of the air changed, it got thick and heavy, and the three men began to find it very difficult to breathe. Suddenly Hal let out a scream of agony and fell to the ground, clutching at his neck. The yells of pain continued as Del flared his hands out in an attempt to help but finding his efforts useless he turned to Jack. "What the HELL did you SAY!?" Del yelled. Jack was struck still as Del grabbed the fabric of his stupid robe and began to shake him, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?" he shouted, somehow drowning out the still piercing screams of his own friend. Hal was on his knees and, still shrieking, he turned his face towards the ceiling so Jack and Dell could watch in horror as Hal's eyes began to swirl in a twist of white, like something was draining out the colour from his irises. Suddenly he stopped screaming, his eyes being now the colour of milk; the sound of screaming was now replaced with a laugh. A hollow, gut laugh; eerily familiar, like the echo of a nightmare buried deep within your subconscious, forgotten until now. That laugh made shivers run down Jack and Del's spine. A second passed like that, those white eyes starting back and then Hal pounced on Del, his hands clawing. Hal squirmed on top of Del, his fingernails scratching at the skin of his face, red marks ripping through the flesh. Jack stared at them as they fought on the floor.  
"DO SOMETHING!" Del screamed at Jack. Brought back into the moment Jack reached out and grabbed the base of a heavy brass candlestick; he swung it out and it landed with a thud on the back of Hal's skull. Immediately Hal's head twisted unrealistically to face Jack, his body not moving nor his neck to do so. A noise escaped from Hal's mouth, something eerie like the tune to a nursery rhyme and then he spoke in a high pitched; almost female voice, "Jackie, Jackie. Wears pretty dresses. Makes panty messes. Little girly Jackie." Jack's eyes went wild and he jumped on top of Hal, swinging the candlestick madly but Hal managed to get the upper hand and while Hal's hand was within reach chomped down, his dagger-like teeth tearing through the bone and sinew of his hand. Jack cried out in pain and flinged Hal off him. Hal hit the wall with a loud crash and was still.  
Jack got to his feet and stared at Hal's body lying in a crumpled pile of himself.  
"What the hell was that?" Del said to the back of Jack's head but Jack made no response. Del took a step towards him and put his hand on his shoulder, suddenly Jack's head shot around and his face was not human. Thick gashes ran down his face in perfectly straight lines, his skin is chalky white and his eyes milky.  
"TIME TO DIE!" Jack growled, his mouth wide. Jack pounced on Del, his jaw snapping like a hungry alligator. He bit down hard on Del's ear and tore it off. Del pushed back on Jack and ran to the other side of the room. Searching for something to use in his defence, he found an old discarded curtain rod. Using it like a spear, Del ran forward and plunged the rod deep into Jack's soft underbelly. A cackling laugh erupted from Jack as the rod wiggled in the wound. The rod stuck now, deeply buried in his belly, Del desperately tries to dislodge it; his body only inches from his foe.  
"We are the things that once were and WILL BE AGAIN!" The something inside Jack cries. His teeth then clamps down on Del's neck, ripping through the blood vessels, thick femoral blood spurting feet into the air. Del falls to the floor, desperately trying to hold pressure against his wound but unable. He turns his head only to find Hal's body twitching. Soon enough Hal jumps onto Del's body and his teeth are now also on Del's flesh. Seemingly ravenous, the two undead tear through the body of Del, lost in the act, consuming him to the bone. When they were finished they looked at each other, one run through with a curtain rod, the other torn up and bloody; and they make for the door, ready to wreak only more havoc on the town of Morristown, Tennessee.


	5. Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart

Ashly hadn't been in an S-mart for what seemed like decades, but truthfully he found that it had only been a mere week. Ash had practically dragged Betsy here to the hardware department, she'd been rather confused ever since that thing that looked like a man had attacked her in her apartment and Ash hadn't exactly done anything to reassure her. As soon as they had entered the store, he'd made a beeline for the back where they kept the axes, chainsaws and other heavy machinery. As Ash hefted a rather imposing looking black chainsaw, Betsy turned to him and asked, "So, what are we doing here?" Ash grunted in response.  
Betsy sighed, "I don't understand why we're here. We just go attacked, we should call my father."  
Ash twisted his head around and Betsy saw a mix of horror and apprehension on his smooth face, "Don't you dare!" he cried, dropping the chainsaw onto the table with a heavy thud.  
"Why?" Betsy asked, her face a mask of confusion.  
Ash threw his hands up into the air, exasperated, "Have you _met_ your father!?"  
Betsy smiled, "Yeh."  
"Well, he's such a sceptic Betsy; he'd never believe what happened."  
"What did happen?" Betsy asked but the silence that came after confused her. It was a simple enough question and yet it had her companion stumped. It was at this moment that Ash took a second to actually think about the events of late. He had driven to a cabin in the woods with his friends, his sister and his love and now they were all dead. Dead. Dead as doornails. What was so dead about doornails anyway? If any kind of nail should be dead it must be a coffin nail. Ash shook his head. After they had perished, he'd found himself tormented by the dead, then abused by the living then accosted by a creature from another realm and finally he'd been sucked up and spat out here. God damn his luck, things just kept getting worse. The only comfort he found was in power tools. He knew it was cliché but hell it was a cliché that bloody well worked. He picked up another chainsaw, this one lighter than the last but with a sharper saw. Light was good, easier to wield. Admittedly the thing probably wasn't designed to cleave a human torso in two, but hey we were all learning new tricks today.

Walking down Main Street with a chainsaw strapped to one hand and an axe on his back (a waiting period for a gun was just way too long for our intrepid hero), Ashly J. Williams was a rather strange sight to behold; especially with the slinky blond, Betsy by his side. If you'd told him a week ago that he'd find himself on a demon hunt with a chainsaw on one hand and a girl by his side he would have told you to get off the bong and pass it on already.  
As they marched down the street Betsy asked where they were going and with a smile Ash declared, "You place baby."

After narrowly escaping the deathly grasp of the deadite scourge which had invaded Betsy's forth story apartment, Ashly had decided to return. He knew he couldn't just leave the hell spawn to fester in the bowls of this scenic little metropolis of Morristown. So return was all he could do; he couldn't alert the authorities and he couldn't ask for help because he knew he was the only person left alive who knew just what these fuckers were capable of.  
Ash knew that when all this had started he would never have dreamed he was capable of such acts. Ashly was a very different man from the one who had cowered in a corner only a short while ago.


End file.
